A Tofu Tip: Making it Crunch

Right!

I like to think I’ve been cooking with tofu for ages, but I havent. I am no tofu guru, no tofu genius, no tofu god, so naturally I’ve been asking myself that question we all find ourselves asking on a daily basis.

How do I make tofu crunchy?

So, lets make this quick (because I have to edit a poem for a seminar tomorrow, and, as important as tofu is, poetry is also pretty important).

  1. Get a saucepan, and put a good slug of oil in it.
  2. Turn the hob up to FULL POWER! Seriously, I had it on gas mark six (full power on my cooker).
  3. Whilst the pan is heating, cut the tofu into rectangular hunks about as think as your little finger (unless you have really fat little fingers, in which case borrow someone else’s fingers – or – go for half-finger hunks).
  4. Wait until the oil is sizzling – OR – keep testing the oil with a hunk of tofu: just dip it in the oil. If the oil doesn’t try to leap out of the pan and kill you, then you’re not ready yet. If it reacts like potassium in water, then you are there.
  5. Put the tofu in the pan and arrange it on the outer edge of the pan (where most of the oil tends to pool).
  6. Now the important bit: KEEP THE TOFU MOVING! If you don’t, it’ll stick and you’ll end up with tofu omelette. Tofu omelette is not hard (unless you charcoal it).
  7. Lower the gas by one, maybe two – but makes sure it’s still fizzing away – you want it to cook all the way through – and keep checking the underside.
  8. When it seems firm, flip it over, and keep it moving again.
  9. The fun bit: get some soy sauce and tip it slowly over the pan. Keep your distance because it gets all potassium-y again and I don’t want to be sued because you were silly and burnt yourself. You want a couple of glug’s or so (look at me, with my uneducated cooking measures).
  10. As silly as it may seem, you still want to keep the gas quite high (silly, because its probably trying to escape like an angered hissing demon) then you want to take the handle of the pan, keep it at arms length and then shake it so that the soy sauce ends up under the tofu (making the demon even angrier).
  11. Leave for a little while but keep it moving, then when you think it’s had time to infuse flip the tofu, glug the sauce (maybe just one now) and repeat the step above.
  12. Add some lemon sauce, maybe – and pepper is a good bet too.

TA DAH! You should have some awesome-tasty-cauldron-esque  marinaded tofu (but it’s not marinaded – just tastes nice).

Simple. Now, for the poetry…

Ps: I will not be responsible for any tofu-related deaths that occur whilst performing this dangerous task – please try to keep the pan at arms length – and I will not be held responsible for this.

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