Grey Area

Really quick poem – draft, haven’t looked at it properly yet.

Grey Area

That
Ineffable white,
The days –
Tomorrow’s yesterday
– No respite.

Leave
Me now, don’t
Come back to the
Offices.

Four walls, closed hips
And doors big
Enough for two,
Not you.

Ineffable plastic,
Empty soldiers
And the worktops
Sweaty with

The smells of
Lonely suicides.

Empty yourself.

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2 thoughts on “Grey Area”

  1. ❤ the first verse, especially the rhyming which to me seemd subtle and well handled… not so sure about the second verse 'Leave/ Me now' reads a tad faltering, I think it might be better as 'Leave me now;/' etc.
    'closed hips' & 'Sweaty with/ The smells of/ Lonely suicides.'…both exquisite 🙂 Also, I find that having the first letter of each line capitalised deters my reading of it, but that's a personal preference (as are all my suggestions), so don't take them seriously if I sound like a pompous know-all because it's not intended that way 🙂

    1. I think you are right about the capitals at the beginning of lines – I’m starting to shy away from it now, but I guess with this one I didn’t think about it! The ‘leave’ doesn’t feel strong enough on its own, does it? It’s not too jarring, but there could certainly be a more powerful word/words there instead. Rhyming is a weird one for me – I never really use it, but it sort of crept in here – I might remove the third stanza’s ‘two | not you’ rhyme, and just keep the one on the first stanza (at the moment it feels like there is almost too much rhyme, although I know there isnt much at all!

      Thankyou for the comment!

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